Today is a total bummer. Remember that horrible week I had that culminated in me not getting a job I interviewed for? Well, another girl I work with got it. I like the girl so I can't say anything bad about her. I can say with confidence that I would have done a better job than she will do. I know it. She doesn't have the oomph or the spunk that I have. I take on a passion for the things I do. And I would have taken that job and run with it in a way she will not. But she's been here longer than me and has a degree I do not. So... whatever. And maybe they just like her more than they like me, who knows? Anything's possible. Honestly, I think I failed this. If I'm so darn great, I should have gotten the job, right? Well, my failure was in convincing them. I didn't do or say enough to convince them. And I take all the blame for that (and beat myself up about it every time I'm reminded about it... which is every damn day).
Back to why today sucks. Today is a "Congratulations!" lunch for her. I just can't attend. Not out of anger. Just because I don't want to cry into my caprese sandwich and cause a scene, or think to myself, "Damnit, Christina. How did you fuck this up? How did you not get this job?" only to realize I didn't think it to myself, I accidentally said it out loud like I do in my car ride home from work every day.
On top of the "Congratulations!" lunch today, it also turns out that I have to give up my lovely window office overlooking the library and the big flowing fountain... to her.
The reason for that is because my boss is turning the main office suite into the graduate office suite. And now she's a part of the graduate team. Everyone who is not a part of that team has slowly moved out of this suite. I'm the last man standing. I'll be taking my walk of shame to a dark, interior, windowless office later today. Yesterday I moved a lot of my things down to my new office on a rolling cart. One that squeaks really loudly while it rolls. It drew a lot of attention. "Where are YOU moving to?" I might as well have had a cowbell around my neck and dunce cap on my head. That's how I felt. Honestly, it's not the windowlessness or the move that sucks. It's just that it's to make room for the person who got the job I wanted. I want the damn wound from this to close up but it's as if someone keeps rubbing sandpaper and lemon juice on it. I'd better either get used to it or apply for a job with another department. But I don't like either one of those options.