Drive-Thru Fun!

I go to drive-thrus often enough to know the routine...

Roll my eyes, settle in, put in a nice audio book or something if I'm behind a big-ass SUV or minivan cuz that order is probably going to take a while to place, and then even longer to make. If said big-ass vehicle is filled with children, I will probably park and walk inside, then (ignorantly) congratulate myself for having no children (yet). Momentary ignorance born out of frustration is forgivable, I've decided.

Have my own order ready to go for when it's my turn up at the window. I don't want to be a hypocrite, after all. And come on, will the Wendy's or Taco Bell menu ever change ALL THAT MUCH that I'll be so perplexed and awed by it, I'll have to contemplate my order for another 5 minutes? No. No, it won't. Not ever. If I know where I'm going, I think about what I want on the way there. It aint rocket science.

If I'm a picky orderer (sometimes I am) I'll just order my sandwich plain... that saves me the worry of them forgetting I don't want just the pickles, and saves them the time of thinking about each and every item. It's quick and easy to leave everything off.

I get my money out as I'm driving up to the window... for obvious reasons.

I don't take forever to look in the bag and check to make sure my order is right. I don't need to man-handle and get to second base with my sandwich before I drive away. It's common courtesy!

More about ordering... I typically tell the drive-thru attendant every detail about my order without them having to ask, in order to speed things up. However, I find that more and more these days, that courtesy is completely useless! Here's how my typical ordering goes (x=drive-thru attendant):

C: I'd like a small #1 with curly fries and a diet coke

X: A number 1.... what size?

C: [sigh] small

X: and what to drink?

C: [shake my head] A diet coke. I wanted curly fries with that too.

X: Oh, curly fries? Okay. Pull forward.

C: Oye!

I hate that routine. I hate it with a passion. It's the little things in life! We have breakfast burritos downstairs at work. The 4 different kinds are: The Works, Veggie Lovers, Classic with Bacon and The Classic. I always order the classic (eggs, cheese and salsa). Here's how that goes:

C: I'd like the classic, please

X: Classic with bacon?

C: [No, dude! If I wanted "Classic with Bacon" I would have said, "Classic with Bacon!" They're 2 separate menu items. When I order, "Small turkey sandwich, please" you don't ask, "Turkey and ham?" WTF????] No, just the classic.

X: With salsa?

C: [finding this question less annoying] Yes, please

I cringe if I walk up to order my breakfast burrito and 1 particular guy is working. He does it all wrong. He puts the tortilla down on the grill, puts the shredded cheese on the tortilla (so far, so good), then puts the cold salsa on top of the warming tortilla and melting cheese. Problem! The coldness of the salsa and acidity of the tomatoes stops the cheese from melting, then separates it. I am then left with an egg, salsa, curds and whey burrito. No bueno! I want to correct him so badly! Tell him, "Please put the tortilla down on the grill, then the cheese on the tortilla, then the eggs on the cheese for some hot, steamy, melty goodness, then the salsa on top of the egg!" But then I feel stupid and petty for wanting to ask him to do that. So I don't. Lame!

This weekend I had a fun one at the drive-thru:

C: Small #12 please with curly fries and a diet Coke

X: How many #12's?

C: [WTF?] I said a small #12 with curly fries and a diet coke

X: You want 4 #12's?

C: [Holy fuck] No. Just 1 number 12.

X: What size?

C: [AAAAAHHHHHHHH] Small

X: What do you want to drink?

C: [Good lord. A diet fucking coke!] Diet coke, please

X: Is your order right on the screen?

C: No, I want curly fries with the combo [for the third time!].

X: Oh, okay.

I did have one victory at that same drive-thru a week or 2 ago. I pulled in behind the dreaded minivan. I had my window down already so I could hear the lady ordering. And she took out a coupon flier. She had lots of questions. More questions and coupons than I had patience. I put it in reverse, ran over only 1 small child (kidding, relax), parked, went in and ordered. I could hear her ordering from inside the restaurant. "I have a coupon for buy 1 get one free for that." "I have a coupon for free fries with that sandwich." "I have a coupon for 20% off that came with my labotomy." My joy arose as I was handed my order, got into my car, and left faster than the minivan made it through the drive-thru. Victory! Woo Hooooo! I was happy for the rest of the night. :D