Thursday, September 10, 2009

Finally, We Meet!

Finally.... I say finally for bio-mom's sake. She didn't get to lay an eye on me when I was born, didn't get to see my full head of black hair or count fingers and toes. I have only known about her for 4 months but she had been waiting 30 years to see me, meet me, hug me after kicking around in her stomach for 9 months. And apparently I was very kicky, always moving around. Me? Kicky and fussy? I know what you're thinking.... no waaaaaay, not Christina! ; )

They drove into town on Friday night. We decided earlier in the week to meet on Saturday afternoon. After tossing around lots of ideas in my head about when, where and how to meet, we decided upon meeting at my place first and then going out to a restaurant for lunch. It was a good decision. I didn't know how I would react when I met her and I was pretty certain the opportunity for emotion on both sides was very great. She asked if I just wanted to meet her or if I wanted to meet her daughter and husband too. It was an easy decision for all of us to meet: bio-mom, bio-mom hubby, bio-sis, Andrew & me. Oh yeah, and Maisy & Charlie too of course. They came over at about 1pm and the gate was open for them to drive in (thank goodness - I didn't want to have to come down to the gate and let them in and then meet her in the parking lot). She called when they drove in and then she appeared at my door moments later.

Let me just say first that the week leading up to this, I was a complete mess. I was stressed about everything and my anxiety and stress manifested itself in frustration (as usual). Everything made me upset all week. Andrew was thrilled to be living under the same roof as me... never a dull moment! I told him early on, "Look, I'm just going to be upset and stressed and I'm not going to sleep well and everything will frustrate me and I might take it out on you a bit. Don't take it personal." I had all these stupid fears in my head - "What if they don't like me?" "What if she's disappointed that I don't look more like her... blonde, thin, light eyes?" "What if she thinks I'm an annoying idiot?" I tried on different outfits before they arrived and I even went so far as to corner Andrew about which eyeshadow to wear. As though she might say, "You know, Christina... I really don't like your eyeshadow. This just isn't going to work out. Have a nice life."

I wasn't just stressed out, I was emotional about it too. I don't know what it is.... I seem to be hard-wired to only show emotion when I'm alone. Well, "only" isn't fair to say.... "mostly" is better. And that's a lie, I do know why I do that. I'll save that for another post. So, in my car on my drive home from work that's when I will often let my mind wander and that is when I would get emotional about it. Just the thought of bio-mom's emotion was enough to get me started and bring the tears.

Back to Saturday.... They were standing there on my welcome mat at about 1 in the afternoon. I could see fuzzy but familiar figures smiling through the screen door. Familiar from their pictures, of course. And all of the anxiety seemed to culminate in sort-of an anti-climactic way and then just fizzle out (like some unseen force was making fun of me about being anxious in the first place). Then I was just genuinely happy to be meeting them. It was a good feeling. They came in, the dogs showed their typical excitement at having a visitor, she met Andrew first, hugged him, I think. Then she turned to me with a happy and relieved look on her face and hugged me for what seemed like a long time. The emotion was there but the happiness and relief seemed to take over. We both let out a big exhale.

Now my attention was turned to bio-sis. She's 16 so, "is she going to be angsty and not want to be here?" was my big worry. I didn't see any signs of it though. She was smiley and her body language was relaxed. She actually ended up bringing a friend at the last minute and I think that was a good idea. The friend was very... well... friendly! And she seemed genuinely interested in what was going on. I can't blame her. Reality TV stuff going on around her! I hugged bio-sis and there was no tension. Bio-mom hubby was completely relaxed and easy-going. After we all met, it was small talk for a bit. I showed them the condo and we hung out in our little back yard for a few minutes. After a bit it was time to head to the restaurant so we hopped in our cars and headed out to the Rusty Pelican. It's a nice place, kinda beachy, not too fancy, especially at lunch time. And we were having such a late lunch that it was nice & quiet and almost empty.

We sat there at lunch for 2 and a half hours talking about our lives and family and Andrew wanted to hear the story about how all of this unfolded for bio-mom but from bio-mom hubby's point of view. It was good stuff. Not awkward at all. Bio-sis was very quiet but she wasn't exactly disinterested. She just had heard most of these stories before and I'm sure she didn't know exactly what to say. Bio-mom said it is not unusual for her to be quiet. All through lunch I could feel all of their eyes staring at me, breaking down my face, trying to figure out how I look like her, probably studying expressions and gestures too. When we finally left the restaurant, we made tentative plans to see each other again the next day.

Sunday she had plans with her friends to come out to Huntington and ride bikes on the beach. We ended up meeting up with them. It was her family and 2 other families. Everyone was very nice. They are very easy-going, "let's order another pitcher of beer" kind of people. One friend met me, hugged me and told me, "Thank you for making my friend so happy." It was sweet. Later on during lunch that same friend said, "I'm sorry to be staring but I'm just looking for how you two might look alike." It was funny that she called it out like that... I appreciated it. There are similarities in the smile and the shape of the eyes. I did notice that it seems we have the same hands. Maybe some of the same hand gestures while we're talking too and even a tilt of the head that seems familiar.

They had to leave town on Monday morning so when we said "bye" it was with anticipation of our next meeting. I told her there was a good chance we would be in their neck of the woods in the next few weeks. I'll make sure that happens. The next thing on my life's "to-do" list is to tell my parents about the meeting. My dad already knew about it but he advised me not to tell my mom about it. I wasn't surprised to hear that, especially considering they decided not to tell me I was adopted. Keeping secrets seems to be their specialty. I'm not going to follow his advice but I still need to be delicate about it. My dad has been so protective of my mom over the years that it has actually turned her into the fragile person he has always assumed her to be. It's true that what we expect from people and from life, we often get! I expect my relationship with bio-mom and her family to be a good one and although in it's infancy, that is already a reality.


  1. That's awesome Christina! I'm so happy for you all! Let me know when you come to Vegas I'd love to see you--if you have spare time from your new family! :)

  2. That is so awesome Christina, I was actually thinking about you and wondering if you guys had met, wondering if it went well. I am so happy that it went so well. Good luck with telling your mom, I know deep down she will understand.

  3. Wow! So no big tears or fanfare? Just seemed like a semi-regular meeting! So do you feel a little more "complete" or have a little "closure" about why you felt certain things? I'm so curious! When are you going to tell your mom? We need to hear that one too!

  4. I am happy to hear that it went to well! I really didn't have any doubts that it would nothing short of an amazing expierience.

  5. Christina, you should consider turning this into a book! Your wit and style of writing is published book material! Oh, and congrats on a fab meeting..happy for you!! Tina

  6. I second the book the blog for a bit...then turn it into a book. You are a great writer!