Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day and I've been feeling really bad about sounding so down on my mom on this blog. Part of the reason why I don't often tell people what I think and feel is because I really hate it when I get misunderstood. I see people misunderstand one another constantly, all day long... and my communication style makes me pretty susceptible to that! But human emotions are complicated and multi-faceted. Even though I'm disappointed and frustrated with my parents right now, that doesn't erase everything great about them.

This mother's day I am thankful for the things my mom has done for me. She was always there for me when I was little, when I was sick, or fell down, or had my feelings hurt at school. She was always the one to tell me that everything would be fine. That I would feel better. That kids are just mean but they don't mean to be. She would dry my tears.

My mom loved to spoil me and really had fun doing it. She always did all the Christmas shopping and bought me so many dolls and toys and games. She also loved arranging family trips. We took road trips to Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm and Magic Mountain every year. And even to Disney World and on cruises to the Bahamas and Mexico. She loved to take me new places and watch my excitement!

She was always very proud of me and would support me in everything I did. I belonged to a youth group from the age of 11 to 20 (many blog readers know of these years well) and she was very involved in it with me. She would chaperone and drive on trips, help out the other kids, was always giving rides, buying snacks, and telling us how proud she was of not only me but all of us.

She was never a stage mom and she never pushed too hard. Okay, from time to time she would put in her 2 cents, tell me what was the right thing to do in a situation, what I shouldn't say or do or wear. But that's what moms are supposed to do. In the end, she would always let me be me. And I appreciate that so much!

My mom is a woman who hasn't had a job since she was a teenager. She embarked on a few entrepreneurial missions with my grandmother, but mostly she raised her kids and that was her job. But that also made her very dependent on my dad. She still is. However, she instilled in me from a young age, that I need to be smart, and brave, and not to be too dependent on anyone so that I can always do for myself, be my own best friend, be my own hero.

I have many great memories with my mom. She would let me ditch school sometimes and we'd relax all day long, enjoying a day off watching old episodes of The Brady Bunch. She had several back surgeries when I was young and I'd take days off of school to be her little helper. My dad would take me to get my assignments and I'd take them to the hospital and sit beside her to keep her company and help her out.

My mom and I have shared a lot over the years. I just want everyone to know that. I feel like I can seem extremely negative at times but the purpose of this blog is to share a small piece of my story, and to vent, and get advice, and keep interested friends updated. It is not to provide a perfectly fair and balanced account of everything I think and feel and experience. I don't think the world is ready for that, even if I wanted to share it all! ; )

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