Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Fact Sheet

My parents had been looking to adopt a child because they couldn't have any more of their own. Mom had to have a hysterectomy due to some cysts. They were on the waiting list for a state adoption for about 2 years before they found me.

In the meantime....

Bio-mom was 15 when she got pregnant with me. She turned 16 two months before I was born.

Bio-dad was 17.

They dated for two years total, including some time after I was born.

They were going to get married but bio-mom called off the wedding the day before. Her mom had been married and divorced several times. She didn't want to end up divorced and alone with a baby as a teenager. She knew she was too young for all of this.

Bio-mom and bio-gramma told the doctor they wanted to look into adoption. Her doctor worked in the same office as my mom's doctor. Bio-mom doc tells folks, "I've got a teenage mother who wants to put her baby up for adoption." Mom doc finds out and says, "I've got a family who is looking to adopt," and voila!

Bio-gramma wasn't very nice to bio-mom through it all. They didn't tell anyone she was pregnant and when bio-mom wavered... changed her mind about giving me up (which she did several times), bio-gramma told her that she would embarrass the family and told her she wouldn't support her if she needed help with me.

I asked bio-mom if she thought about abortion (come on, don't tell me it didn't cross your mind). She said that she didn't tell anyone she was pregnant at first because she was too scared. Eventually she told bio-dad and he wanted to marry her right away. So together, they waited to tell people. Then when they finally told bio-families, planned to get married, called off the wedding and rethought everything, bio-gramma brought up abortion. But by then, it was too late.

So, bio-mom intended to keep me at first. She spent some time as a mommy-to-be. She went through all the emotions. She got excited about it. It was hard for her to put me up for adoption.

At the hospital after I was born, they wouldn't let her see me so that she wouldn't change her mind.

Bio-dad didn't want the adoption. He showed up at the hospital and asked bio-mom to marry him again. She said no.

My parents took me home when I was 3 days old.

When I was little, bio-mom used to come into my parent's jewelry store to try to see me. She never did.

When I was a teenager, bio-mom sent a letter to the jewelry store. It said something like, "If you have told her that she is adopted and she wants to contact me, this is where I can be reached. I have a stable life, I'm married and I'm not trying to interfere with your lives." My parents hadn't told me I was adopted so they didn't respond to the letter.

Bio-mom couldn't track me through them anymore after they moved away from Vegas. She tried to find me other ways. She registered on every adoption network she could find. She even hired a private investigator. She found nothing. She knew about Facebook, signed up for an account and searched my name. She knew what high school I went to (she had a connection with the school district). She narrowed down my popular name by school and there I was.

She hesitated to contact me at first but then when she did, and she realized that I didn't know I was adopted, it was too late.

Bio-mom is married now and has a 16-year old daughter. Her husband already knew about me but her daughter does not. She will tell her daughter sometime this summer. She's a little nervous and I'm nervous for her. I'm nervous for myself too. I don't want to be rejected by her.

I don't know about bio-dad, where he is, what he's doing. Bio-mom knows how to reach him through his sister but she's hesitant and so am I. I've got enough to work with right now, I think. One thing at a time, please!

1 comment:

  1. I seriously cried through this. What a sad experience for your bio-mom. Thanks for sharing this, Christina.