Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Another Update

I'm beginning to look like an iPhone app with all the updates here.

I talked to my dad. He had the nerve to say, "You know we would do anything for you." I said, "Not anything..."

I asked him if he really thinks my mom can get through my wedding - a weekend wedding with several events, mind you - and not have that be a worse scenario than just meeting her first and getting it over with. He said, "Honestly, I don't know. But I think so." Sometime during the conversation he also mentioned, "Let's just tell mom that [bio-mom] isn't coming. Then she can just come and mom won't have to worry about it." Oh yeah. Great idea. Let's lie some more as a reaction to other lies. Plus I'll be uncomfortable, bio-mom will be uncomfortable, all my friends who know about her and have met her will be uncomfortable, just to appease 1 person who is being unreasonable. Why didn't I think of that? Brilliant!

Needless to say, I did not respond positively to that. I asked him to please promise me he would try one more time. In a couple of weeks say to her, "You know, maybe we should just meet [bio-mom] before the wedding to prevent any weirdness. It can't hurt." He said he would, but he studdered for a moment. I don't know if he'll do it. He mentioned again, "She's just still upset that [bio-mom] contacted you like that. She wrote me a letter when you were younger saying, 'If you've told her about me, this is how to reach me and if you haven't, I won't bother you.' I still have it. I can find it and send it to you." My response to him was the same as it was before, "Well if we're going to sit in judgment of her for that, then we'd have to equally sit in judgment of you for not telling me like you should have." And no one thinks anymore that you will NEVER tell your child that s/he is adopted. It just didn't occur to bio-mom.

I spoke to my sister last night too. She thinks my mom is just using bio-mom as a scape-goat. She doesn't want to blame herself for any of this. She says she's not strong enough to face the conflict and have some real self-reflection and look at her own mistakes. And she can't be mad at my dad about it, because he just does whatever she wants, so no ammo there. And there's no reason to be mad at me about it. So, that leaves bio-mom to channel all of her anger and upset at. My sister thinks like my mom and behaves like her sometimes so it's good to get her perspective.


  1. Your story is so amazing . . . You are such a strong woman (which I always new) . . . may you find what you are looking for. I think of you lots.


  2. Your right...your sister is a good perspective on this. Glad to see that is thinking reasonably and can see that your mom is totally focusing her anger on bio-mom....for no good reason.