Wednesday, August 26, 2009

It's All Happening!

It looks like it's going to happen over Labor Day weekend. I'm going to meet bio-mom. I'm so nervous. I'm a bit sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I know it's stupid, but I'm just worried that she'll be disappointed somehow: that she'll think I'm weird or crazy or stupid or she'll be further disappointed that I don't look like her (although she already knows that from pictures). I know it doesn't really matter. I have nothing to lose here! I didn't know about her a few months ago so if for some reason we lost touch, it wouldn't change my life any, right?

As much as I try to convince myself of that, it isn't true. There will be something lost, something missed and my life will be changed if I lost touch with her. Because now there is something there. There is opportunity. The opportunity to get to know her and be great friends with her, and bio-sis and even bio-mom's husband (bio-stepdad? bio-husband? not sure what nickname to give him). I do want this to go well. I can't imagine ever thinking of her like a mother but it's clearly not just a "friend" either. It's almost like meeting a long-lost aunt, I guess. I don't just want this to go well for myself. I want it for my future children. I have always been a bit sad that my kids wouldn't have a very big family. Andrew has 6 half-siblings, none of which he grew up with, all are much older, and only 1 we sometimes see and talk to. My sister is so much older than me, she'll feel more like an aunt to my kids. My kids won't have any cousins their age either. So now with bio-mom, that's another "aunt-like" figure for my future children. In addition to the future kids, I also want this for Andrew. I want him to have 2 mother-in-laws to have to answer to! [inserts bitchy snicker here]

Now the only question is, where do we meet? Do I have her come to my house? I kind of like that idea because it's private but I also kind of like the idea that there may be distractions if we meet at someplace neutral. Maybe a well-chosen, quiet restaurant or a park or the beach or even at her friend's house. Part of the reason she is coming to California is because her friends have invited her family out for the long weekend. So, there's that option but with all of these options comes strangers. And those who know me best know how much I LOVE [please apply your own unique sarcastic tone to that] having my life and emotions put on display in front of anyone, let alone strangers. So, where to meet? Votes? Ideas, anyone??

11 comments:

  1. Well I think that your house would be good, but if you dont feel comfortable having her come to your house just yet, than I would choose a quiet restaurant. It provides you with some amount of privacy, but with enough distraction if needed. Wow this is so huge, Christina, good luck!

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  2. I would say a restaurant near your home. If everything is going well and not to crazy for you, then invite her over to your house, then maybe share some photos or yearbooks with her. I think meeting at the restaurant will be a nice way for both of you to ease into meeting each other.

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  3. I vote start at a quiet resturant and then move to your house for more intimate converstation. Or maybe instead of a resturant maybe a coffee place then if things start getting emotional you don't have to sit through a dinner.

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  4. I completely agree with Cheryl. I cannot wait to hear how this goes! Best of luck!!

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  5. I agree with the restaurant idea...then its neutral. My offer still stands if you need it!

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  6. Wow good luck Christina. I agree with everyne else. It may be more comfortable at a restaurant or coffee house; but you'll have slightly more control at your house (pictures, keepsakes, ect).

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  7. Those are all great suggestions. You have every reason to feel confident regardless of where it happens. Best wishes, Christina!

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  8. OK- I would agree with the restaurant/coffee house thing if things weren't going as well as they are. I do think you have an amazing opportunity most people dont- the fact that you are both in a relationship before even meeting. Having said that, you aren't dating her. She is Bio-mom. I would bring "random-guy" to a restaurant/coffee house on a first date.
    I, personally, think she may as well just start a tu casa (haha). Your relationship (in my opinion) has gone past the "getting to know you" phase. Bring her to your house. See your life as it is. Meet the man and the dogs.
    And, for the record, you are amazing. She has loved you for 30 yrs and 9 months. This situation wouldnt be where it is if she werent madly and freakishly in love with you. I think formality went out the window a long time ago....
    But, that's just me. I love you. Good luck with all this.

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  9. I think it really doesn't matter what any of us think :) You are going to do what feels most natural or workable for you in this situation. You are not the sort of girl who so much needs advice - you have it all figured out that way already. I think what you maybe want is for us to assure you it's going to be OK. I'm with Dani. Angela already loves you. Bio-sis has known for a long time. No big bombs... just taking it to the next level.

    I know everyone who loves you - including me - is very proud of you for how gracefully and sensitively you have been handling this from Day 1. Don't lose your cool now. Let her see you for who you really are: confident, funny, incredibly intelligent, opinionated, driven and all the other amazing things you are. You can't go wrong.

    Let us know how it goes!

    Love, K (& C, M & B)

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  10. Its wherever you feel comfortable! I think the beach is nice, and fits the movie script of a first-time meeting with bio-parent. Meeting her at your house is her meeting you in many different ways, she gets to see you and in your environment. Might be nice to let your stuff do some of the talking, you know.... non-verbal communication via your home (does maisy still have her barking, spray can attached to her neck?) Put on a pot of coffee, bust out the old rainbow pics, and breathe! Best of luck, I'll be thinking about you!

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  11. I agree with the quite restaurant and then your house if it feels right. Plus the restaurant should have an endless supply of alcohol. :) But I am sure it will turn out perfect what ever you choose.

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