It looks like it's going to happen over Labor Day weekend. I'm going to meet bio-mom. I'm so nervous. I'm a bit sick to my stomach just thinking about it. I know it's stupid, but I'm just worried that she'll be disappointed somehow: that she'll think I'm weird or crazy or stupid or she'll be further disappointed that I don't look like her (although she already knows that from pictures). I know it doesn't really matter. I have nothing to lose here! I didn't know about her a few months ago so if for some reason we lost touch, it wouldn't change my life any, right?
As much as I try to convince myself of that, it isn't true. There will be something lost, something missed and my life will be changed if I lost touch with her. Because now there is something there. There is opportunity. The opportunity to get to know her and be great friends with her, and bio-sis and even bio-mom's husband (bio-stepdad? bio-husband? not sure what nickname to give him). I do want this to go well. I can't imagine ever thinking of her like a mother but it's clearly not just a "friend" either. It's almost like meeting a long-lost aunt, I guess. I don't just want this to go well for myself. I want it for my future children. I have always been a bit sad that my kids wouldn't have a very big family. Andrew has 6 half-siblings, none of which he grew up with, all are much older, and only 1 we sometimes see and talk to. My sister is so much older than me, she'll feel more like an aunt to my kids. My kids won't have any cousins their age either. So now with bio-mom, that's another "aunt-like" figure for my future children. In addition to the future kids, I also want this for Andrew. I want him to have 2 mother-in-laws to have to answer to! [inserts bitchy snicker here]
Now the only question is, where do we meet? Do I have her come to my house? I kind of like that idea because it's private but I also kind of like the idea that there may be distractions if we meet at someplace neutral. Maybe a well-chosen, quiet restaurant or a park or the beach or even at her friend's house. Part of the reason she is coming to California is because her friends have invited her family out for the long weekend. So, there's that option but with all of these options comes strangers. And those who know me best know how much I LOVE [please apply your own unique sarcastic tone to that] having my life and emotions put on display in front of anyone, let alone strangers. So, where to meet? Votes? Ideas, anyone??