tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9133890555036844375.post6014023547790630066..comments2023-03-24T00:52:47.275-07:00Comments on The Christina Chronicles: ReactionChristinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14642237923817906594noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9133890555036844375.post-56911956243597283832010-04-13T14:02:23.848-07:002010-04-13T14:02:23.848-07:00You guys are probably right... I can't imagine...You guys are probably right... I can't imagine not thinking about it if I were her. But she might just pop a couple of Xanax or Prozac before the wedding and be fine. I'm not joking 1 bit about that.<br /><br />The only reason I'm upset about bio-mom feeling uncomfortable is that there is nothing I can do for bio-mom. I won't be overly defensive of her to my mom because that's not really appropriate. There is nothing to be said to reassure bio-mom the way I can say/do things to help my mom feel better. And bio-mom has been living with something for 30 years, wondering about me, worrying, thinking I didn't want to know her. My mom had things her way for 30 years. Not to mention that this entire situation revolves around my mom and her feelings. Every tear I shed, every worry I have, is for my mother. Worry for bio-mom is a small ripple in the pond of worry for my mom.<br /><br />But at the same time, bio-mom gave me up. That's the way it goes when you give a child up for adoption. You miss out on his/her life. But that's because of the circumstance, not because people go out of their way to shape it to be like that. I don't feel the need to force/shape the situation. To go against what I want (to have her in my life) in order to fulfill that destiny because that's the way it goes when you give up a child. I feel like we can make this situation whatever we want it to be.<br /><br />I keep thinking I will try again because I just can't help but wonder, "How could I have handled this better? What more could I have done?" I feel like there has to be some way for my mom to relax and come around. But you guys and some other friends have reminded me that some people don't want to change even if it's for their own good or the good of people they love. I know my mom may always have issues with bio-mom. I just hoped that there could be some improvement. It's hard for me to give up that hope that things will be less stressful and she won't be so upset and crying over it.Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14642237923817906594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9133890555036844375.post-10033998691154280732010-04-13T11:36:38.784-07:002010-04-13T11:36:38.784-07:00I totally agree with Allicia. I felt that on the ...I totally agree with Allicia. I felt that on the last post, but didn't say anything. There is NO way your mom is not going to think about your bio-mom being somewhere there. I also believe that narrowing it down will not be that difficult. <br /><br />I think it's interesting that it seems you're more upset that bio-mom feels uncomfortable more than you are that your mom feels uncomfortable. And you're saying that you thought you had the best outcome for everyone - you have to stop worrying about that. You have to worry about the best outcome for you. This day of YOURS is turning into a day about your two moms and it shouldn't be that way. Decide what you would like to do and then move on to the next GOOD part of planning! :)<br /><br />Because you're sharing, I'm assuming you want us to tell you our thoughts, so I will. I think it's a mistake to think that if they meet, there will be a weight lifted and things will be easier. Your mom has big issues with bio-mom contacting you and the way she did it. Yes, you can say that your mom did things too and that she didn't tell you and what not, but her feelings towards bio-mom are going to be the same. I don't see how a meeting can make anything better for the two of them - it's you that wants the meeting FOR them. I don't think it's a good idea to try again with mom. You've brought up the subject a couple of times and she doesn't want to do it. I'd wash my hands of it at this point, invite bio-mom if you'd like and know that if mom is sitting around wondering who the other woman is, it's her own fault.kymberli q.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16374496312006512091noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9133890555036844375.post-89541870973969579832010-04-13T11:02:12.460-07:002010-04-13T11:02:12.460-07:00I know your mom and I know how ostrich-like she is...I know your mom and I know how ostrich-like she is capable of being. That being said, i don't believe for one second that your mom will be able to be at your wedding and NOT constantly look around at all of the "unknown" women in the crowd and wonder who bio-mom is. Truth be told...narrowing it down will not be that difficult for her. Then she will only be able to focus on your interactions with "this woman". She needs to face the fact that in this situation all roads lead to some sort of emotional hurt for her. She has the opportunity at this time to decide whether she intends on taking the high road or the low road to the hurt. TO me the high road of facing it head on and dealing with things seems to be the better choice on her part. T low road seems like it will force an otherwise joy filled October weekend to be clouded with (once again) hidden pain and unanswered questions.<br /><br />I will say that it is unfortunate that your moms decisions have now had an impact on you and also bio-mom. I'd have to say that if I was bio-mom I would probably feel uncomfortable too. The difference is that bio-mom is weeling to take the brunt of the discomfort for your want of her presence.Allicianoreply@blogger.com